history
a comically large bible like a billion gallon hat then make it history i had a word for this ... in another life i would have made a good priest. my various precluding qualities¹, mostly immanent, aside, aspects of the life would suit me well. a vicar, maybe. i don't recall all the differences. but a small english countryside village. parochial. meadowbound. i would have access to an organ. the thing is, i am very nosy, i love gossip, and i am filled with advice. i look great in black. institutional justification for the cultivation and practice of these indulgences would suit me well. i genuinely care about people and i want to help them. i am a natural at seizing on a thing and working it into everything i say and do. for a few weeks at least. ceaseless arguments on interpretation of a complex canon? yes. i love the bible, because like the odyssey or le guin, it is like this map of limitless possibility, an axiomatic landscape you can draw anything from. i have a theory about why paranoid delusions so often centre around biblical interpretations. aside from the transcendental language and eschatological treatments, i think it is in large part because of the infinite interpretability of the text. it is easy to take a belief and use the text to justify it. it is a kind of game, and the dedication of my life to the explication of some canonic game like this, arbitrary though it may be, is attractive to me. i think it might be something a bit like what academia should be. it probably isn't. and yes, all that is an extreme kind of sophistry. but a religious figure is a magician who takes that infinite interpretability and, hopefully, uses it to influence people for the better. make it medicine. i think it has this in common with mystic approaches, with the advantage of a better defined common substrate with which to communicate to others. and the perpetual struggle for a fundamental belief in the thing i do is already well-known to me. here, there is a kind of tragic romance to it. to dedicate your life to an infinite love you are not even sure exists. to representing it. to being it, in some small way. jealous of those i would guide, who just seem so secure in it all. who look to me as a paragon of that security. no, he wouldn't like that you're jealous. but he gets it.
other things said
- including gender, gay, politics, contrarianism, laziness, impatience, lewdness, chemical affinity, limited social skills, tendency to wear short skirts, does not handle authority well, bad handwriting, forgetfulness, silliness, sleepiness
Yesterday :: Wednesday, 15th April 2026